stressed

I am totally overwhelmed. I can never ever relax. Even tonight, I went upstairs to cry because I was so stressed out from all three needing me so much, but I couldn't even do that for long because who comes up to see what I'm doing -mon petit fee - because he wanted to give me a cracker. Both babies were crying crying crying in the car. They didn't like riding in the dark and just wanted to be held. I kept stopping to nurse them, they would be fine, put them in their seats, get going and then two minutes down the road, wailing!

But I am starting to do more now. I did get to the grocery store "on my own" (three in tow but with no assistance - sort of). We got a double jogging stroller so I put mon petit fee and one jumeau in there, sling the other. Thank goodness I can walk there! It's about a 15 minute walk, nothing too far, but far enough to get me a little exercise. I don't waste a second and get to the check out line in about 15 minutes. There I have a little snag as the one in the stroller is crying. So I pull him out while the other is slung on the front of me and try to finish paying. That's all that was needed! A nice man came and bagged my groceries (though I think he worked there and that was his job - still nice), a kind woman stopped and helped me load the groceries in my stroller and a sweet grandma-type lady took a baby off my hands and held him while I strapped the other one in. She didn't want to let him go! Though I must say - he was totally working her with his beautiful smile and big blue eyes! I can't say just how much I really appreciate that! It is hard enough to get all three out of the house in the winter - all bundled up. If you ever see a mom with young kids, help her! Don't ask, just help! They totally made my day. And I am so not the kind of person to ask for help.

I'm still exclusively nursing them both. They are both over 17 pounds at 4 and a half months old. I went to 37 weeks, one was 6.14 the other 6.04. I don't know if I have ever been more proud of any accomplishment ever. This has to be by far the toughest thing I have ever done! Not just the nursing part, but taking care of all three on my own. No family here to help or offer any relief. That's the hardest is the constant, day to day, every single day, no break... Boy am I tired!