It's only been a week so I suppose I should give myself a break. Her due date was the same as my birthday, April 27, so it will be interesting how I feel when April rolls around. I still tear when I see a newborn or a pregnant lady though that is to be expected I suppose. I had an obgyn RDV on Tuesday that I sort of skipped. The only reason I made the RDV was to see if everything was ok with the false couche. But I say "sort of" because I did go to the RDV and waited for thirty minutes all the time dreading what was to come. But when the doctor came out to ask for the next patient and it wasn't me, I lost my gumption and left. Mon petit fee was jumping up and down while we were waiting and I didn't think it would get much better while I was talking/listening to this doctor who spoke no English. There would be no way I could concentrate on anything other than where mon petit fee's hands and feet were. I don't know where he got all that energy from all of a sudden either. It was kind of like he was trying really hard to give me an out. (Afterwards we sat at a cafe together and talked - well he ate a piece of chocolate while I drank my cafe, but he sat STILL!) And ok, to be honest, I just wasn't ready to hear what I knew already - that I'd lost the baby.
I have another RDV next week anyway, with the doctor that was going to follow my pregnancy. I made that appointment about three weeks ago when I was pregnant. Though I prefer a female doc, he is one of the very few doctors in Paris who has ever seen a natural birth and is actually supportive of it! Can you believe that?!?!?!?!?!? Everyone here gets medicated, something like 95%. When I told the doctor I went to when I was pregnant with mon petit fee that I wanted a natural birth, he basically laughed in my face. When I asked him if I could choose my position to labor and deliver in (basically NOT lying on my back) he very sincerely said, "no, how can I see?" Don't even get me started on that, but well, sorry, too late. If you've ever seen a diagram of a woman's pelvis lying down versus squatting, it is obvious that to lie on your back you are working against gravity. Not sure? Not quite the equivalent, but to give you a good idea of what that would be like, try taking a poo lying on your back with your knees pulled to your chest! And then imagine the size of a baby versus lovely poo and I don't have to elaborate about the necessity of gravity. His arrogance made the decision for me and we took the route of a homebirth because I didn't want some egotistical French man with his hands all in me tugging and pulling to get my baby out when I was made to push it out myself!
ANYWAY, so now I just have to get totally naked and put my feet in stirrups for ONE person instead of two this month. Yep, NO GOWNS HERE!!! Talk about vulnerable. Geez. As if I'm not vulnerable enough right now. Yes, there are great things about the French medical profession, but a lot of things that I do not like either. Birth plan? No such thing. I was laughed at for that question, too, but by a different doctor, one of the best in Paris actually.
So I will go to this new doctor next week even though he is a man who will see just about every inch of me all in one sitting. But I will be ok with that because I trust him. He goes against the grain (which is HUGE as everyone does everything the same way) by respecting natural childbirth and by respecting the wishes of the woman. At least so I'm told. It will be my first visit with him.
Wow, that was a bit more passionate than I had intended, but hey, I can't always control myself. Though I don't think that's such a bad thing and sometimes wish I controlled myself just a bit less. Just let yourself go...